As a child, I used to dream
that I woke up in bed in the middle of the schoolyard.
It was horrible... and yet so delightfully wicked.
I'd stay snuggled in bed - all nice and warm -
while the other kids had to go to school.
But my happiness would quickly fade,
due to a feeling I could not yet name:.
"Guilt".
Today, nothing's changed, I still feel just as guilty.
I stay in bed, paralyzed,
deliciously paralyzed.
I think of the hundreds of women,
in hundreds of homes...
Energetic, responsible and perfect women,
who started their day hours ago.
Mommy, Hector says I look like a dog turd. It's not true, is it?
What time is it? Let's go!.
You're pathetic.
Let's go, time for school. Come on.
Shit! Mom...
Not now, Hector.
I forgot my gym clothes. It's too late now!
Hurry up, Mom. Run, run, we'll be late.
Come on, hurry up!
Goodbye, Mommy. Goodbye, sweetie.
School hours are not made of Lycra, Mrs. Marsiac.
Move your ass, lady!
But you see, life isn't a dream.
9:05 am: grocery shopping.
I told you: no.
No Cocoa Krispies! Why not a shortage of peanut butter?
9:48 am: the dry cleaner's.
10:00 am: work.
This lovely little piece would look just fabulous on you.
4:03 pm: business meeting.
Not terrific...
The necklace? No, you.
You look awful.
5:07 pm: home remodeling.
I understand, Mrs. Gonsalvo, but he hasn't been here in three weeks.
Tell him I'm trying to reach him.
I don't know where he is! You either?
5::20 pm: call dentist.
June! That's over three months away. You're kidding me!
Pretty soon she'll have two rows of teeth, like a piranha.
6:12 pm: bath time.
Hector?
Hey Mom, I beat my record!
Wait till I tell Lucas.
Mommy, the house is on fire! What?
My tablecloth!
Fire, fire!
6:20 pm: three-second rest.
I don't even have time anymore
to play with my man.
He's strong, courageous, solid as a rock,
and brawny...
The kind of guy you can depend on.
He'd never let me go hungry.
But that's in the past.
The truth is my husband always works.
He does have a flair for business.
Hugo,
they want the cement mixers for two more weeks.
I say we tack on 25%.
No. No surcharge. But they sign an exclusive 2-year contract with us.
He's awesome!
When my crazy day finally ends, I wait for the hero to return.
Oh shit.
This can't go on, Ariane. What?
What do you mean "what"? We can't go on living in this mess!
I know... Did you call Gonsalvo?
What do you do all day long?
I work like a dog.
I can't do everything.
You have one goddamn thing to do, the remodeling!
And you can't even...
And sometimes, your nerves snap.
I'm so sorry, honey. I'm sorry.
If you'd done it, I'd have gone straight to the police.
I'm tossing the idea around.
What's wrong, Ariane?
Nothing.
I mean, everything.
Nothing's right.
I don't get it, you have a dream life.
You have everything.
A dream life? You call this a dream life?
I feel like a secret agent:
I slave away at invisible missions!
Even the kids think I'm a robot.
"Mommy, I need you! Mommy, I want you! Mommy, I want Mommy!"
And who cares about me? No one.
You think I enjoy talking money all year long
while I miss seeing the kids grow up?
Look. You know what this is?
Fifteen years of business lunches
with guys who think you're gay if you don't eat like a truck driver.
Sometimes I'd like to change places.
Ok.
Ok, what? We'll change places. I agree.
I'm dead serious, Hugo.
I think we'd better go to bed.
Ok, I'll make an effort.
No you won't, your priorities lie elsewhere.
Only your work counts.
That's not true. Oh no?
Your daughter Louise just turned six.
Was her Daddy at her birthday party? No!
Nor when she turned five, four or three!
You think that's normal?
I was there when she turned two. It was on a Sunday.
Your kids are not a priority. A priority is what comes first.
Ok, tell me what I can do.
You can take Louise to her 11:30 doctor's appointment tomorrow.
11:30 tomorrow?
Impossible.
There you go. What?
"There you go" what?
The entire staff of Caterpillar is coming at 11 :30,
so excuse me for hesitating!
Never offer your help again.
Hang on. I'll go.
I'll go, it's Ok.
Hello? Are they there? Already?
Ok, don't panic. Show them our equipment.
I'll be there in 30 minutes. Ok, see you later.
Already? What did you do, run them through the place?
It's raining?
Ok, have them wait.
I don't know, give them peanuts to nibble on.
Louise Marsiac? Yes!
It's your turn.
Ok. Quick, hurry up, move it!
Everything's fine. They're waiting.
I thought I'd never make it.
What happened to you? My wife hit me.
Very funny!
Hello gentlemen. Hugo Marsiac. Sorry I'm late.
Pleased to meet you. Ok, let's go.
Hello? What the hell did you do?
What?
What did you do with Louise?
Louise? You didn't forget her somewhere?
Forget her somewhere? Oh, shit!
Get in the car, sweetie. Come on.
Oh shit! Shit, shit, shit...
Yes, I know. Ok, I'm coming, I'll be right there!
Daddy!
The police brought her home.
She was alone in the street!
Do you realize
you left her in front of the doctor's office!
Do you realize?
Ariane, Ariane
Ariane, wait. Listen to me...
Ariane
Ok, I accept.
We'll change. You take my place and I'll take yours.
She's replacing you... completely?
Yes, completely.
Hugo
did I ever once lie to you during the past 15 years?
No.
Then...
why won't you tell me the truth?
I am telling you the truth.
Ariane, my wife...
is going to replace me... for a certain period of time.
You're ill, aren't you?
And you're going away to a clinic.
You want us to go under? I remind you, we sell jewelry.
So what?
So what? Your husband can't tell pale pink from fuchsia.
Ariane, he only has yellow trucks!
Listen to me, Charlotte,
this is a highly unusual experiment.
I know most people won't understand,
but I'm doing it to save our couple.
And it's not my husband's supposed bad taste
that'll stop us, Ok?
Ok.
Mr. Gon alvo, it's Ariane Marsiac. Once again.
I understand you're busy,
but if you could find some time for us, we'd really appreciate it.
I guess that's it. I'll be expecting your call. Goodbye.
You'll never get anywhere like that.
Maurice Cantuis, judicial officer.
Member of the Judicial Officers' Union.
You contacted us I believe? No.
Your husband left us a message this morning at 8:30 am.
And we're not the kind to dawdle.
It's the Union's strength and motto:
"Act fast, act well, act."
You think you can do something? Unfortunately, no.
Unless you signed a late delivery clause.
No, I don't think so.
It can be a costly oversight.
If I may give you some professional advice...
Please do.
You're far too accommodating, Mrs. Marsiac.
This gentlemen... Mr. Gon alvo.
He's playing games with you. You think so?
Kindness will get you nowhere.
What should I do?
Don't say, "l understand you're busy."
Say, "Frankly, what do you do all day long?"
Mrs. Marsiac, you must provoke him.
I can't do that.
Do you have a choice?
Do you want things to change,
or continue like this?
I want them to change.
Then start by changing yourself.
The rest will fall into place.
Excuse me,
would you be free for dinner?
He thinks you're after him.
He won't when he sees you.
He'll think it's for a three-way.
Good evening.
Hugo, my husband. Maurice Cantuis.
Come in.
Thank you.
You really impressed me earlier.
I did?
I knew at once we could get along. Isn't that right, honey?
Yes.
Maurice... May I call you Maurice?
Yes.
My husband and I are going through
a difficult period.
But we've decided to save our couple.
Even if it requires audacity.
We have an offer to make...
I want you to know, this wasn't my idea.
Are you backing out? No.
Yes, you are. No, I'm not.
Hugo, it's too late. Maurice is here.
It's never too late.
My husband and I want to swap...
our lives.
For one year.
One year?
This is a novel experiment,
and we need someone who can guide us along the way.
Someone disciplined,
who has thorough understanding of human nature.
A "life coach", so to speak.
And we thought of you.
What do you say?
Well... think it over.
Yes. Thank you very much. Goodbye.
Hello, who is it?
Maurice Cantuis.
Who? Cantuis, the judicial officer.
Who is it?
Maurice what's-his-name. The judicial officer.
Do you still need a coach? Uh, yes.
Can I come over? Now?
I changed my mind.
He wants to come over now. Say yes!
Ok, see you in a while.
As a judicial officer I often enter people's lives.
Twenty years of experience gives you far better knowledge
of human nature than any psychology degree...
They took Mother's portrait!
I know, Anne-France. I personally made sure it went.
Dirty bastard.
Especially couples' relations...
It's Chlo, from my gym class!
"l love your pussy"?
What'll we do?
What about our cycling holiday? It'll be fine.
But they're taking the bicycles.
Observing couples
and their behavior has become second nature to me.
The true interest of your experiment
is not simply swapping roles.
What you must do
is swap natures.
What's that mean?
"Romance" and "intuition" for Hugo.
"Simplicity" and "seduction" for Ariane.
Romance...
Seduction...
I have to face facts, my dear,
I completely failed your education.
Stop it, Mom.
My generation fought to become free women,
not men.
Your generation made amazing progress.
But your daughters are a bundle of complexes.
You always exaggerate. No, I don't.
Not at all.
Social injustices are no reason to wreck your couple.
I'm not wrecking it, I'm saving it.
What about the kids?
How are they going to react?
Kids are like everyone else.
You just have to explain things.
Well?
What do you say?
I want to stay with Mommy.
But we're not splitting up.
It's just that, I'm going to do what Daddy did.
And Daddy will do what Mommy did.
It's an experiment, that's all.
I'd rather you got divorced.
Other parents don't do experiments, they get divorced.
Maurice Cantuis/Judicial Officer
Your contract stipulates a change of professions,
duties and timetables for a one-year period.
The protocol includes private coaching sessions with me,
and frequent updates.
Initial each page and sign at the end
after writing: "Read and approved". There you go.
"Mr. Maurice Cantuis' fees: 1 0,000 euros"?
Plus expenses.
So?
Happy to start a new life? Vert happy.
Me too.
I've been slaving away for 1 5 years. I could use the rest.
Sweetheart... Yes?
Your side now, is the other side.
Oh, yeah.
You didn't even notice.
Yes I did, it's very pretty.
What's this?
Chocolate teddy bears.
Chocolate teddy bears!
Chocolate...
6:00 am. Goodbye to the old me.
Hugo filled me in on my new job.
I'm ready to play "hero". I've dreamt of this for so long.
After all, I went to college too.
Honey...
Honey, the keys.
The car keys.
I need them to go to work.
And where's your phone?
We said "everything".
No need to push the revs. It's got power.
Two fingers on the wheel, Ok?
Ok, honey, you can go.
Come on, back up.
Is something wrong?
You're standing behind the car, Hugo.
Sorry, my mistake.
Easy does it.
I am!
Phase 1 : change your nature.
Don't focus on detail, have fun! Ok.
"Simple and efficient." Find the man lying dormant in you.
Got it.
The man lying dormant in me.
The man lying dormant in me...
RENT-YOUR-TOOL
Supervise check signing and survey her every move.
Trust me, Hugo. I have to go, she's coming.
Hello.
Black coffee, like your husband. Thanks.
Is it too hot? No, no.
I'll introduce you around. Welcome to Rent-Your-Tool.
I'd like a list of all female employees, their wages and skills.
What for?
Gender equality is one of my priorities, Mr. Nicard.
What exactly do you mean by "gender equality"?
Ouch, that hurts.
Don't move. What's wrong?
There's no more Cocoa Krispies. What do you mean?
What's that?
It's not Cocoa Krispies. Are you sure?
It's even better. No!
Add some Nesquik. No!
Too late, you'll eat tonight. Time to go, come on!
Are you in favor of outsourcing,
or do you believe we should maintain full control?
Well...
We will continue to pursue my husband and Mr. Nicard's strategy.
Which one's that?
Here's the school.
Let Daddy manage. First we park the car, then we go in.
You leaving?
Nope, just got here. Tough luck!
Thanks.
There you are.
It's your obligation to let kids into school!
It's our obligation from 8:45 to 9:00 am.
After that, gates are closed.
School is not a nightclub.
Very good idea, Steven. You have the go-ahead.
Very well, I think we've covered everything.
Unless...
As a matter of fact...
Yes, I have an announcement to make.
I've decided...
to replace the coffee machine.
The "6-8" timeslot is crucial.
Your average woman must be able to juggle several chores at once.
Especially between six and eight o'clock in the evening.
Ok, get ready...
3, 2, 1, go!
You have to start making dinner.
Help with homework...
Six times six?
Six times seven?
Six times eight?
Give them baths.
The bathtub!
Without forgetting dinner.
Dinner!
Or their bedtime.
Bedtime!
And the Prince jumped off his horse.
Yes. He kissed the Princess.
Then they met up later
and went to the castle.
Then they went to bed... I mean got married.
They had a big party
with the whole family.
And then they had lots of children and lived happily ever after.
Not bad.
You need to work on the "bedtime".
You could show more affection. Oh yeah?
Hello? I'll never make it!
It's a disaster.
I'll ruin my husband's business.
It's his life's work. I'm calling it all off!
Excuse me, a client.
I'll be right back.
No, Ariane, don't do that!
Decision-makers often feel like pretenders.
It'll pass. You don't need to know everything.
Your role is to set the pace.
That's what people expect. When you don't know the answer,
you simply say: "I'll let you know in due time."
Ok.
I'm going out for lunch. Would you like anything?
I'll let you know in due time.
All right.
Paragraph 12: "Every man, every woman..."
I imagined you differently.
Lise Honfleur. Recognize the name?
I hope your words will carry more weight than mine.
Please, have a seat.
I need your help.
In what way?
To convince my daughter to abandon this childish idea.
It's like a bad novel.
Mrs. Honfleur, I don't believe you fully understand.
Understand what?
The sorry state of your daughter's couple.
My daughter and son-in-law have their problems...
Moreover, they are two consenting adults.
Mr. Cantuis...
Call me Maurice.
Mr. Cantuis...
My daughter and her husband are grownups,
they're free to play whatever absurd and burlesque game...
But should anything happen to my grandchildren,
I'll come after you.
Is that clear?
Very clear.
Adolphe Nicard suggested something odd today.
What's that?
He wants us both to sign checks.
To avoid any "accounting mistakes".
What do you think?
I don't know, honey, you two decide.
Hypocrite!
He confessed. It was your idea!
You're in contact. You've broken the rules.
Ok, we're in contact. I'm worried.
A business can be fragile.
Cheater.
Liar.
Loser.
Traitor.
We agreed. I stay out of your life, you stay out of mine.
Eat your dinner, kids. I don't like it.
It's cold in the middle.
It's not cold, sweetie, it's lukewarm.
You know how long that machine's been here?
200 years?
Believe me, it was time to change it.
Excuse me, here's the new lay-out for our price brochure.
What do you think?
I'll let you know in due time.
I'm not sure about this pink. What is it?
Topaz.
Isn't Topaz yellow?
Yes. Except when it's pink. Like this.
What do you think?
It's functional.
Look...
It goes with everything.
It's waterproof.
And look... it's not flimsy.
It's sturdy material.
It's nice, no?
Well?
No.
Well?
I knew it.
You're not cut out for this job.
When you want something from a woman, it all comes down
to one word: foreplay.
I don't understand.
You lack patience. You need to use a gentler approach.
You must touch their subconscious, arouse their desire...
You must make them want to make love with you.
Quality, advice and good prices:
that's what made Rent-Your-Tool a success.
I was sincere, not a streetwalker.
Ok. Even if I already know it, tell me again.
Tell me exactly what "foreplay" is.
For the shrimp and avocado salad,
you need shrimp and avocados that's easy so far
but first, let's discuss the origin of the word "avocado".
The word "avocado" comes from the Spanish word "aguacate"
And the Spanish word "aguacate" comes from an Aztec word
which means "testicle"!
It is in fact an analogy to the well-known organ.
That's what I call a new take on recipes!
I hung all the clothes to dry.
Everything. Even the socks, one by one.
And I folded the rest.
You're not interested?
You want me to congratulate you?
Very well, congratulations for hanging the laundry.
I just wanted to talk about it.
I never used to talk about it.
I came across a new hiding place.
How many do you have?
By the way, did you call Gonsalvo?
I'm sorry... I didn't have time. The day just flew by.
Gonsalvo, please leave a message.
Mr. Gonsalvo, it's Hugo Marsiac.
Ok, it's very simple: either you show up soon
or I'll smash your house to smithereens.
I'm waiting for your call.
Mr. Gon alvo?
Mr. Gon alvo!
Did you see the time?
Don't think your threats scared me, Mr. Marsiac.
No one threatens me.
Comprende?
The fact is, I'm having a real hard time.
My wife left me.
Work is my only relief.
So I'll be here day and night, even on weekends.
Even on weekends?
I've had my suspicions for weeks.
I don't understand.
Flanvart has been spying for Big Machine.
His brother-in-law works there.
That's him.
Are you sure?
No. I'm certain.
We must act fast.
In your position, Ariane, you must not be perceived as weak.
You must act at once.
Why are you doing this? You're not happy here?
Yes, but I have to protect myself.
How's that?
You really think I'm spying for Big Machine?
That's absurd.
But I'll switch sides before we go under.
Our competitors are slowly taking over.
I want a report.
Excuse me?
I want a detailed report on our competition.
You want to fight, Nicolas?
We'll fight.
Efficiency and seduction...
After three months, look at me.
Mr. Marsiac?
I don't believe it.
It's not mine, it's my wife's.
Give it to your kids.
You got it? Now we move on to another level.
It's time to charm them!
No, it's not quite right...
Did you read this?
Yes, why?
I loved it.
Really?
Yes. Oh, I know it's not classical literature...
Oh, no...
But I don't care. The story's well thought out.
It was almost... orgasmic!
I must say, I'm delighted...
To finally discover a man who...
And the end of the story... it was so moving.
You know, when she...
When she discovers he's married!
I almost cried.
Me too.
You know what...
I think I'll take the whole set.
No... Yes.
Is it reasonable?
My dear man.
We've got to immortalize this.
Stand over there.
Go on. Smile!
Look intelligent!
Perfect...
There we go.
What? Nothing.
What's this? My resignation.
Flanvart struts about, bragging that you asked him for a report.
It's a slap in the face for me.
Never, Ariane,
in the 1 5 years that I've worked here,
have I felt so humiliated.
Come on. What are you doing?
Taking you to lunch. No, no.
What's that, Adolphe? My coffee.
We need to talk. No.
Yes.
I'm hesitating between kidneys and prime rib.
Prime rib.
And for the gentleman?
I'll take the same.
An appetizer? Not for me.
I eat light at lunch.
How about snails?
No, thanks.
You're right, we'll keep it simple. Shrimp cocktails.
Half a bottle of house red?
Yes, please. Oh, no!
St. Emilion '95. A full bottle.
I like it robust. Otherwise, why not drink water?
Of course.
Can't finish? No.
Two espressos?
Two espressos with apple brandy.
Perhaps you prefer cognac?
I must admit, you surprise me a bit.
Oh, really? Yes.
I thought you were...
What? I don't know...
Like all these other women you see.
What are they like? I don't know.
Not like you. You're not like them.
You and them, you're not the same. I can't explain.
Adolphe. Yes, Ariane.
Don't resign.
Oh no... Give me three months.
After that, you can leave if you want.
With severance pay. No, no...
But for now,
I'm asking you to trust me.
Here's to three months.
I'd love a cigar. How about you? Yes.
You behaved like a man, Ariane. Brilliant.
You did exactly what you should've.
Yeah, right.
I'm proud of you. Thanks.
Keep up the good work.
Thanks. Goodbye.
Stepping into Hugo's shoes is no cup of tea.
I wonder how he's getting along....
This is my son, Hector. He's nine.
My daughter Louise is six.
They're so cute!
Yes, but he can be a real rascal.
Are you strict?
I can't be strict, I feel too guilty.
You know the secret to educating kids?
Accepting that they hate you.
Hello, girls. Sweetheart, I'm off.
Hello, sir. Hello.
See you later, darling.
What about the jewelry?
Yes, the jewelry!
We have plenty of time.
Let's see the jewelry.
I'd love some orange juice. Oh no! The jewelry!
You're working me to the bone!
Better and better!
But we've hit a ceiling.
What?
We'd sell far more
if the clients came to us.
It's impossible. The workshop's a mess.
I've thought it over. What?
Wow!
We'll totally rearrange it. Redecorate.
I'd like something kind of cozy.
Something refined, inviting, comfortable...
You like it?
We'll spoil them silly and sell them tons!
What's wrong?
I'm sorry.
No. It's my fault. I'm sorry. I'm the one who started.
No... Yes... No, we can't. This is pathetic.
No, it's wrong.
No, no. We can't, period!
Charlotte, no...
No, you're right.
CUPlD'S lNN
Wait for me here.
Hello, sir.
Hello.
I'd like a room.
For how many people?
Two.
For how many nights?
This afternoon to start with.
Very well, sir.
Under what name?
What name do I put in our register?
What register? The hotel register, sir.
Here you are.
Thank you.
Excuse me, is this a "c"?
Yes. "Marciac"?
No! It's not a "c".
Oh, I'm sorry: "Mauriac".
No.
Well, is it a "t"?
Yes, that's it, a "t".
"Martian"?
Yes.
Very well, Mr. Martian. This way please.
Hang on.
How about like this?
Oops, sorrt.
This isn't going to work. You sure?
Yes.
You know what I think?
That we don't really want to make love.
Exactly. We're like two girlfriends.
My turn now. Not of me.
Yes, you. Like a Roman emperor.
The right foot...
We're losing ground with private rentals?
Evert day.
What do you suggest?
Hello? Ariane, it's Charlotte.
Who? Charlotte, your friend.
Sorry, I was elsewhere.
How are you? Uh, fine.
What can I do for you? Nothing...
No, nothing. I just wanted to tell you,
it's great working with Hugo.
I was totally wrong about him.
He's fantastic.
Listen, I can't talk now.
Sorry.
We'll get together for lunch.
Sure. When?
I don't have my calendar...
Ok, no problem.
Bye.
We'll talk soon.
So...
Want me to heat something up?
There's some spinach au gratin.
How's that sound?
That's it!
It'll be fabulous!
It's just spinach au gratin.
I'll heat it up
Don't thank me. It was female solidarity.
Your wife washes your shirts?
Yes.
We're going to make toys? Not exactly.
Who's married here?
Whose wives do the heavy work?
What if their husbands couldn't use tools?
Or if they were single, like 30%% of women?
Would they be clients?
No.
Rent-Your-Tool is going to help them.
We're going to rent our machines...
with workmen as an optional extra.
Handsome ones, naturally.
Is your proposal a "service" or prostitution?
It's a fabulous idea.
A stroke of genius.
And I weigh my words.
I love it.
It's terrific!
Gentlemen, a new era begins for Rent-Your-Tool.
Hello, darling.
Oh, you're home. Hi.
I just put the kids to bed.
I promised you'd kiss them goodnight.
I love your ass.
Go kiss them goodnight, I promised.
Ok, I heard you. I'm going.
What's wrong?
I had a rough day.
Mrs. Legendre is requested at the check-out stand for payment refusal.
He spent all his wife's money!
The posters are snazzy.
What about the 6 x 1 2s?
Spaces are reserved. We're ready.
We still need the male model.
Yes, the male model...
One moment.
It's your husband.
Are you busy? Sort of. What's up?
I'm at the grocery store. My card's maxed.
I just transferred money into your account.
There's a 20%%% sale on. I saw no reason to wait.
Louise has nothing left to wear.
You know, I've had it.
You obviously don't do the shopping!
Ok, I picked blue clothes.
I'm sick of girls in pink.
And for some reason, blue is more expensive.
Weird, isn't it? I'll put it back,
but then you do the shopping yourself.
I'm tired of you saying I throw money out the window!
I'll take care of it later. I have to go now.
Where were we?
The advertising agency...
Thank you, Adolphe.
I'm from a small town.
After you...
It was my mother who wanted to move to Paris.
Do you like the countryside?
I like taking boat rides at sunset.
It's very romantic. I love watching ducks.
Forget the ducks, lamb!
Here I am,
experimenting with the "stronger sex's" behavior patterns.
Come on, relax.
Good evening.
Don't think I proposed this date to make peace.
A pity.
My daughter's marriage is sinking.
It's time to act.
Excuse my bluntness, but a mother's viewpoint isn't best.
Whose is?
A woman's.
Women are often more... No, spare me.
I've heard your feeble theories:
"Men are dumb, women pains in the ass."
It's so banal.
I never said that. Then what do you say?
Women are often too complicated, and men not enough.
I call that primitive psychology.
Soon you'll be telling me
that lions hunts gazelles, that it's all part of nature.
Commonplace nonsense.
And yet they do.
Who? What?
Lions. They hunt gazelles.
Mr. Cantuis...
the only terms to describe you
are imposture and mediocrity.
At least I'm whole.
Sexual, if you prefer.
I don't hide under superior airs.
When I see you sitting here,
I see a woman, not a mental concept.
I see your eyes, your mouth...
The fullness of your breasts...
I feel your warmth,
I imagine the softness of your skin...
I feel desire, even excitement.
It's nature, you can't fight it.
Goodnight.
Thank you for the invitation.
But... I didn't invite you.
Daddy, Hector says I look like a mammoth turd.
It's not true, is it? Why are you up?
Oh, shit.
Come on. Hurry up!
See you later, Daddy.
I'm so sorry.
You didn't need to run. I'd have waited.
Thanks.
You're just adorable.
I'll get going.
Move it, buddy!
We don't have all day!
TOOLS & MEN
RENT-YOUR-TOOL
Big Engine was preparing an attack. We had to act.
It was the deal: separate lives.
It's brilliant!
You're brilliant!
Oh, yes.
You really like the idea?
"Tools & Men". You'll make a killing!
I'll push your services to my jewelry clients.
Don't change a thing.
You seem to be doing better.
Ok, I have to go.
How's it going?
Hey there. Working hard?
Some people claim the die is cast at age three...
Hugo, at age 40, was completely overhauling his personality.
Keep your shoes on, it excites me.
Total happiness.
Me as a man,
Hugo as a woman...
And all we had to do was do it.
It's like bungee jumping.
The leap is hard. After that, it's pure bliss...
Only, you don't take the kids bungee jumping.
What happened? I don't know.
Hurry up!
It must be serious if they called.
It's just a parent-teacher meeting.
Then why was it so urgent?
Calm down.
Hello.
Hello. Hello, Mr. Marsiac.
We came as fast...
What's this all about?
Hector's teacher alerted me at once.
It happened during recess.
He didn't deny it.
He said he didn't have parents anymore.
We're considering expelling him.
There must be an explanation, I know my son.
Your son is not well, Mr. Marsiac.
His behavior indicates a loss of emotional stability.
Ok, knock it off.
Excuse me?
Don't lay your guilt trips on me!
So what! Hector let off some steam.
He was right, this place is the pits.
At least his work shows character.
It looks like modern art. I like it!
Please excuse her. She's overworked.
I know the educational field is very demanding...
You want to expel Hector, you old bag?
Who cares! I'll put him in Montessori.
At least there he'll be able to express himself.
We'll talk to him...
I can't believe how bitter she is.
We'll pay for the repairs, it goes without saying.
Honestly, I don't think expelling him will be necessary.
Thank you, ma'am. Goodbye.
I didn't see a thing.
I've always felt connected to my children,
but I didn't see anything coming.
Our ten-year-old son destroys his classroom,
at the risk of being expelled from school...
And I saw nothing.
It's normal, I'm never here.
I'm always working.
What do you think?
About what?
I plucked between my eyebrows.
What do you think?
It's better, no?
What's wrong?
It'll grow back!
Don't get all worked up.
I'll use eye crayon.
There!
Cloudy skies and rain on this first day of vacation,
but don't lose hope: things should be looking up by tomorrow.
I have to go. You deal with it.
It's the protocol...
I don't have time, my kids are going on vacation.
...for the campaign launch.
Could you...
I don't have time!
I know how it feels.
You want to talk about it?
I've been thinking... Me too.
I owe you an apology.
You're a woman with class.
The experiment was so exciting...
I've been thinking...
...I lost it.
I know what you'll say and you're right.
You can't play with people.
But you know what?
I'm sure changing roles isn't a bad idea.
We went about it wrong.
Maurice, you were right.
Right?
Yes.
When Ariane's father died 1 5 years ago,
I shut sensuality out of my life.
I feel ready to let it back in now,
Maurice.
What about the lion and the gazelle?
Do I have to do all the work?
Stay calm!
There's enough for everyone!
Hello, miss.
Yes, at reception.
Jigsaws? In the back.
Don't worry, miss.
It's solid material.
Can we touch?
Do the technicians come dressed like in the photo?
You'll have to ask.
What page are you on? I'm not.
Ask the guys in yellow hats.
Is that you, sweetie?
You'll never guess where we are.
At the beach.
In the land of the Sea Monster who kidnaps children
and buries them alive in the sand!
Can I talk to them? You want to talk to the kids?
Little rascals, I'll eat you alive.
They're attacking me!
Let me talk to them!
Hector, say hi to Mommy. No thanks.
Louise, say hi to Mommy. Hi, Mommy!
Hello, sweetie.
She's gone.
Hello?
Louise, look a wave!
Hector, don't go too far!
Not too far!
Hector
Mommy!
My babies!
My darlings, I missed you so much.
My loves, my sweethearts...
I want to play with you.
No, leave me alone.
I want us to stop.
I want to stop the experiment. I'm losing my children.
And I've finally found them.
It's all thanks to me, you know.
What's the difference?
I want my children back.
Ariane, I played by the rules.
It was hard work to get where I am.
I won't stop because you've got the August blues.
You wanted to be a man?
All men work while their families take vacation.
It's just a bad moment.
I'm stopping. I'm stopping it all.
What about the contract?
Fuck it! We fulfilled it.
Hugo's the perfect chick and I'm a man:
stupid and lonely.
What if Hugo challenges your decision?
Then it'll be war.
Wow! It's beautiful.
Go ahead, touch it.
It's perfect.
The seal is uneven here.
Where?
Here, look.
Sorry, it must be my wife.
Hello?
Mr. Gonsalvo? It's Ariane Marsiac.
Listen very carefully to what I'm going to say...
The finish is important, you know.
Yes, of course.
I'm like you, Mr. Marsiac.
I like good work.
If it's not perfect, I start over.
Any complaints about the living room?
You must've done something to irritate him.
No, I swear to you.
You don't realize, you're so bossy. It irks people.
It'll take at least another month now.
I'm going to have to start supervising things. This can't go on.
Have you been working out lately?
Yes, why?
No reason.
Isn't your butt spreading?
No.
Hugo transformed into a woman! This is horrible.
It was his idea.
He couldn't cope with himself as a man anymore.
Oh my God.
He has to come back. Only work will save him.
You have to talk to him.
What will I say?
Use your imagination.
Hugo?
Adolphe Nicard. Sorry to bother you.
No problem, what can I do for you?
You must return to the office.
Why, what's wrong?
Well...
People are talking.
About what?
About your wife.
Oh yes?
I won't beat around the bush.
Your wife is having an affair with Nicolas Flanvart,
the young sales rep.
Flanvart?
I should've fired him at once.
I'm so mad at myself. So mad at myself!
Come back, Hugo.
It's very humiliating for you.
Believe me.
There you go!
Why are you on the floor?
What did you just do?
I don't know.
I used my imagination, didn't l?
Nicard is stark raving mad.
Flanvart confessed. He begged me not to tell his wife.
It was purely physical. Don't make a big deal about it.
It's just your pride that's making you suffer!
Like 75%% of women,
Hugo took the initiative to separate.
And like many men,
I got thrown out over one hot August afternoon.
Come on, let's go upstairs.
And like any 40-year-old man, I went home to Mommy...
Don't mind me. Pretend I'm not here.
Then Hugo counterattacked.
He set loose his lawyers on Gonsalvo.
Sign here.
It'll save you a trip to the post office.
What about me?
Take the browned part.
It's the tastiest.
Good night kids.
Is this seat free?
Thanks.
Combat 3.
That's my son.
Hector!
Little animal! I'll teach you a lesson!
Shit!
Ariane, what I wanted to tell you...
What I want...
What I think...
What I know is that...
Ariane. You and l...
You know what I mean.
What else is there to say?
That you love her, you imbecile!
Tell her that you miss her, that you're sorry...
Yes, of course. Go on.
Say it.
I will.
It's me. Is this a bad moment?
No.
I mean...
I'm at the office right now.
What did you want?
Nothing. I mean...
I was thinking that if you had five minutes
to stop by the house... we could talk for five minutes.
Talk about what?
I'm asking you to come over to talk, not talk on the phone.
Yes, but it's bad timing.
I'm in the middle of work.
Ok, forget it.
It doesn't matter.
No... Ok, I'm coming.
No, drop it.
I said I'm coming!
I'm listening.
Come in.
Ariane...
It's gorgeous.
What?
The job you did on the house. It's stunning.
Thank you.
Seeing the house finished at last...
It makes me feel all funny.
What did you want to tell me?
I wanted to tell you that...
I decided to go for rose pink.
It's stronger than pale pink
and it ages well.
Yes, it's vert nice.
And I wanted to say...
Do you have a glass of water?
Water?
Flat or sparkling?
Tap water is fine.
Flat? Yes, of course.
It was worthwhile fighting for the cabinets.
They look good.
Beech is nicer than golden oak.
It's great.
What I wanted to say is...
I love you.
I miss you. I'm sorry about what happened.
I'm sorry too.
Ariane...
Hugo, it's impossible.
Tell me what you said again.
"l love you, I miss you. I'm sorry..."
She must not have heard you.
Did you mutter?
No, I spoke clearly. I was very sincere.
Then why did she leave?
I have no idea.
I'm sure she'll be back.
You're right! Someone's at the door.
I have to run.
Mr. Marsiac? Yes.
Criminal investigation.
Thanks for coming so fast.
What's going on?
The police are placing Hugo in custody.
Why?
A client is pressing charges for rape.
She says one of our men abused her.
What's Hugo got to do with it?
For the law, he's the boss.
He could be charged with pimping.
Pimping? That's ridiculous.
Not really.
Big Machine is siding with the plaintiff.
The filthy bastards.
My thoughts exactly.
Hello. Lieutenant Lorenzi.
I'm leading the investigation.
Please don't do that.
My husband's got nothing to do with this.
It was my idea.
I know. He told us everything.
But he's decided to assume responsibility.
I have to talk to him.
I'm sorry, it's impossible.
I can't help you.
The exit's that way.
Well, that's that.
How long have you been married, Adolphe?
Forty-two years in a few days.
What's your secret?
Antoinette needs me and she's not ashamed to say it.
And vice versa.
Ariane...
Where are you going?
Ariane...
Ariane, no!
Ariane, my dear girl.
Hello, Hugo?
I have to talk to you.
Can you hear me, Hugo?
Hugo, it's me!
Ariane!
Listen to me.
Get out of there!
Let go of me!
Forgive me, I was a fool.
But did you really have to screw Charlotte?
Open the window.
I'm sorry, that's not what I wanted to say.
What I wanted to say is that I miss you.
I know, changing roles was my idea.
I envied your life.
I goofed up. It happens, no?
Oops, sorry.
That's no good...
Who's the madwoman?
My wife.
Oh, sorry.
You became the woman I wanted to be.
But now I know.
I know that I need you.
Don't move.
I need to feel your strong arms around me.
I need to feel the weight of your body over mine.
I need to talk with you, laugh with you...
I need you, Hugo.
I can't live without you.
I'm begging you, my love, please forgive me.
Please forgive me.
Come on.
I'm sorry. I lied.
You lied?
I missed him too.
My husband.
I'm sorry...
You look totally healed.
I'll have to pay a fine. It could be big.
Our experiment didn't exactly work out as expected.
We almost ruined everything.
But I guess we needed it to discover ourselves.
I mean, really discover ourselves...
Ariane, to you.
You understood that we were suffocating.
And you saved us.
To your courage,
to your beauty,
and to our love.
Here, here!
Daddy, there's a fire!
When problems arise now, this is what I say to them...
To my grandparents
who loved each other their whole life...
Would you at least consider it?
I'm not getting married at my age.
It's so commonplace.
Do it for my parents.
I thought they were dead?
Exactly.
Come on.
The bathroom's very nice.
Thanks. But I didn't get it right first time.
Once you know, you can really see it.
See what?
His hermaphrodite side.